The last few week, nay months, have given motorcyclists, cyclists, horseriders and road-crossing mammals a new game – dodge the flying England flag. These items are affixed (loosely) to a good many of the nation’s cars and are prone to being whipped off in the slipstream at any speed greater than that of an arthritic milkfloat. There may be one, two or more of these objects (I’ve seen five on one vehicle) and observation suggests that the number seen is in directly inverse proportion to the standard of the driving. So before I plunge further into rant mode on the things, I will consider the possibility that they should be made compulsory. Should they? Naah – the immediate problem of ducking the bloody things as they fly off at far outweighs the early-warning signs and, besides, such vehicles usually give off many other of the cues of approaching idiocy. I believe that all of this (and it took some investigation) is associated with some sort of football (that’s soccer to the Atlantically-challenged) competition that’s going on in Portugal as of this moment. While an early departure from this by England might be seen by some as a national tragedy, it can only be good for the heartrates of the rest of us. And, in the current furore over petrol prices, would any of the muppets displaying these be prepared to stomach an extra 5% on their petrol costs (at a rough guess) for the duration? Thought not.